so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
The adults are the big ones right?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
