Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
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