Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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