I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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