if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
