Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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