Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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