6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize