I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
