Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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