i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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