I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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