Yo dont text me then not text me
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
