I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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