Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
