does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
