My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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