i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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