I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
