and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
