I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
