I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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