I murdered the dance floor call the cops
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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