and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Lo siento on account of my penis...
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
