i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
This is my gift to your gina
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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