Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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