Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
