I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
