those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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