Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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