Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
