Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
zippers are such a cool invention
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
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