I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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