Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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