It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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