Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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