$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
