finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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