Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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