So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
