Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize