we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
True college students do jello shots in the library
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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