Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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