I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
