woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
