My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
