I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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