OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
