My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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