she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
