My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
