you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize