I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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