I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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