This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
