Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
