I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
