he puts the penis in happiness.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
