I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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