seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
