Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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