so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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