Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
