plz talk dirty to me
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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