New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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