dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize
