every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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