I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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