if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
she told me i tasted like america
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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