The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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