Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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