In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
