Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
